Time and time again, when I meet with clients that have parents living, they begin to realize that they have no idea where their parents stand in terms of having the right plans in place to protect their assets and wishes if something were to happen to them.  Even worse, frequently the adult children don’t even know where to begin looking to locate this information in the event of a crisis.

Do their parents have a will or trust and, if so, where are these and other important documents located? Should assisted living or nursing home care become necessary, what plans are in place to cover the costs? Will mom or dad even have enough money after these costs to carry them through retirement?  Where do mom and dad keep their important legal and financial documents and when was the last time that they were reviewed and updated?

These are some very important questions that need to be asked, and an experienced wills and trusts lawyer can steer you in the right direction. That being said, no matter how good your relationship is with mom or dad, the subject can be a difficult one to approach.

Perhaps the best place to start is timing. Holidays such as Christmas, Hanukkah and Thanksgiving are known to be stressful times, so avoid these occasions. Current events often present the perfect opening, as there is always some Hollywood legend or financial mogul who dies leaving a fortune for the heirs to squabble over.  For examples, see our prior blog posts on the Estates of the Rich & Famous and Lessons Learned from Michael Jackson’s Estate.  Amy Winehouse, Rosa Parks, Farrah Fawcett and many others serve as additional examples.

Or, the personal experience of a friend or relative can be worked into a dialogue. “So-and-So’s mother was admitted to the hospital recently and no one knew where to find her important papers.” For the adult child who is doing estate planning of their own, it would only be natural to want to discuss their parents’ plans with them during this time.

For some families, several conversations over a longer period of time might be a better approach. No one wants to feel like they are being told what to do, and money matters are often emotionally charged conversations to begin with.

Remember, advance preparations are in the best interests of the parents, so that their wishes can be carried out upon death.  Be sure to communicate this from the start to avoid your parents shutting down or getting defensive about the questions you are asking.

A friend of mine was called up to make medical decisions for her father upon his death bed.  She told me how stressful it was for her, because her father had never documented his wishes and had never talked to her about them.  At the end of the day, she did the best she could, but it was stressful and she always had that little nagging voice in the back of her mind saying, “is this really what he would have wanted?”  The goal is to give everyone peace of mind by knowing there is clear guidance and instructions in place and that your parents will receive the care they desire.

Finally, don’t forget to include the topic of long-term care in your conversations with mom or dad.   While no one likes to think about the possibility of becoming disabled or incapacitated by something like a stroke or Alzheimer’s disease, it does happen and it’s something that must be planned well in advance for.  If you start early enough, a wills and trust lawyer can help you put the right plans in place to ensure mom or dad’s wishes during incapacity are honored and that they won’t be forced to sell or give away all of their assets in order to qualify for state or federal assistance.

Are you now ready to help your parents put a rock-solid plan in place that ensures their end-of-life wishes are honored to the fullest?  Then be sure to call our Cary wills and trusts office for assistance.  With the mention of this article, you may qualify for a Peace of Mind Planning Session ($750 value), at no-charge.  Simply call (919)443-3035 to find out more.

By Jackie Bedard, Carolina Family Estate Planning

As a Cary estate planning lawyer, I know how common it is for each generation to avoid planning for their deaths.  Few people are eager to spend time thinking about their own mortality, including the parents that raised and cared for us.  Unfortunately, not spending a little time with an estate planning lawyer can end up costing more than just a little time.

Discussing estate planning with your parents can be tricky.  Neither of you wants to think about the fact that they will one day pass away.  Not only that, but you likely don’t want to look greedy or uncaring.  That’s why you should approach the topic in a way that lets them know you have their best interests at heart.  Here’s two important things to keep in mind:

1. Estate Planning Protects your Parent’s Legacy

One of the most important things to remember when you’re discussing an estate is that it will be your parent’s legacy.  It is not the only way they’ll be remembered, but it does give them the opportunity to have a say in what becomes of the assets they worked so hard to acquire.  An experienced estate planning lawyer will be able to show them more options than they likely ever realized were possible.

2. Estate Planning Protects the Beneficiaries

Just because you’ve grown and gone out into the world doesn’t mean that your parents don’t still feel the need to “parent” you.  Taking the proper steps to plan their estate means that they can lessen the burden on their children and grandchildren at what is sure to be a difficult time.  Let your parents know that you want to follow through on their wishes, and by planning in advance, you can make sure that happens.

Acknowledging that our parents won’t always be here is a difficult thing to do, but it is a necessary part of preparing for the future.  By introducing the topic in terms of protecting their legacies and their beneficiaries, it is possible to turn the conversation into one of empowerment.  Once the subject has been brought out into the open, it’s best to take steps to speak with an experienced estate planning lawyer to make everything official.

Looking for a few more tips?  See our prior blog post, How Do I Talk To My Parents About Their Estate Planning?

According to Cary estate planning attorney, Jackie Bedard, Alzheimer’s and Dementia Awareness Week (February 14^th –21^st) is the perfect time to have ‘tough conversations’ with aging parents about their wishes and plans should the disease ever strike.

CARY, NC, FEBRUARY 2011: “Does mom want to live in a nursing home?”

“How would dad expect living with Alzheimer’s or Dementia to affect his quality of life?”

“Is there legal documentation in place that ensures someone can act financially on mom or dad’s behalf if they are unable to?”

These are just three of many questions that experts are urging adult children to ask their parents during Alzheimer’s and Dementia Awareness Week (February 14^th- 21^st).   Without the answers to such questions, families could be left battling over long-term care, struggling financially and not truly honoring their parent’s wishes should the disease strike their family and their parents wishes not be known.

“Many families avoid talking about Alzheimer’s or Dementia until it’s too late,” says Cary estate planning lawyer, Bedard.  “Especially from a legal standpoint, if you don’t know your parents’ wishes or have the proper documentation in place, you could be left struggling financially to provide the quality care they need.

According to Bedard, there are five specific conversations adult children should have with their parents as soon as the opportunity presents itself.  They comprise the following:

1. Long-term care preferences- Does mom or dad want to live in a nursing home or would they prefer in-home care if the need presented itself?  If they prefer a facility, what amenities and activities are important to them at this point in their life?  These are questions that if discussed in advance can make the transition into an assisted living facility or a home-health care program much easier on everyone when the time comes.
2. Current legal documentation- It’s imperative that adult children find out what legal documentation their parents have in place before incapacity occurs.  This includes making sure their parents have a power of attorney, health care directive and HIPAA forms so someone can easily step in to make financial or medical decisions on their behalf.  Otherwise the family will be forced to petition a court for control over their parent’s affairs if they have passed the point of legal capacity.  Also, the adult children should know where such documents are kept and have easy access to them if needed.
3. Medical preferences and wishes- Adult children are urged to find out what type and how much medical care their parents want after receiving a diagnosis of Alzheimer’s or Dementia. Do they have specific wishes about life support or other end-of life medical treatments?  Who do they want to make such decisions on their behalf?  The answers to these questions will help your parents to feel secure knowing their wishes will be carried out during an otherwise emotionally-charged time.
4. Current state of financial affairs-  To ensure finances stay properly managed after a diagnosis of Alzheimer’s or Dementia, adult children should use this week to start asking tough questions about their parent’s financial affairs.  This includes finding out the location of any safety deposit boxes, bank accounts, investment or brokerage accounts, outstanding debts or other assets unknown to the family.   Otherwise, necessary assets needed to cover long-term care or other expenses could be overlooked when memory loss ultimately occurs.
5. Important contacts and information- While their memory is sharp, adult children should work with aging parents to compile a list of important contacts and information that will be useful to the family if memory loss occurs. This includes documenting key doctors, professional advisors (i.e. accountant, attorney, financial advisor) and important passwords for online accounts.

“While these conversations are certainly not easy to have, families can make the transition into living with Alzheimer’s or Dementia disease much easier by simply planning ahead,” says Bedard.  “Not to mention, mom or dad will appreciate your willingness to make sure their wishes are honored if and when incapacity occurs”.

Attorney, Jackie Bedard is the founder of Carolina Family Estate Planning in Cary, NC, a practice that specializes in estate planning law.  She is also an active member of the National Network of Estate Planning Attorneys.  For more information on how you can protect yourself and your loved ones, visit www.CarolinaFEP.com or call (919) 443-3035.

By Jackie Bedard, Carolina Family Estate Planning

As an estate planning attorney, I know Generation Y has a lot to think about…starting their careers, buying their first home, starting a family.  All of these things are beginnings, so it’s a rare day when someone in this generation wants to think about The End.  But there are 4 reasons that they might need to…

A lot of people think that youth is an excuse for putting off doing a will or trust.  But estate planning is not just about planning for your death.  It is also prepares you in the event you experience an incapacitating injury and are unable to make your own financial or medical decisions.  While the odds are certainly in your favor that you will not need an estate plan, should you have the misfortune of needing it, you and your family will be thankful.  Consider these four scenarios…

You need a plan in the event that you become disabled or incapacitated.

Unfortunately tragedies happen every day.  And you are not immune to them because you are young.  If something happens to you and you are no longer able to make decisions regarding your own financial, legal, and medical affairs you’ll need to make sure that there are basic documents in place such as a health care power of attorney, financial power of attorney and HIPAA authorization so someone can make decisions on your behalf.

You need to pass your assets.

You might be asking, “What assets?”  Even if you do not yet own your own home, you need to consider IRAs, retirement accounts and life insurance accounts offered through your employer. You need to make sure that beneficiaries are named in the right way to make sure that the people you want to leave them to get maximum benefit.

You need to name guardians for your children.

If you have children, you simply must name guardians.  You should be the one who decides who will raise them if you are no longer around.  You do not want this decision left to squabbling relatives or to a court system who doesn’t know you or your child.

You need to plan for your pets.

If you have a pet, chances are they are a big part of your life.  They are totally devoted to you and also totally dependent on you.  Have you stopped to think what might happen to them if something were to happen to you?  If you want to make sure your companion is cared for if the unexpected happens, you could choose to put together a plan for their continued care.  The plan may include directions about feeding, medical care and other needs along with funds necessary to provide for your pet’s support and to compensate the caretaker.

The scenarios above are just a few to consider when deciding if you need a will or trust.  I encourage you to talk with a wills and trusts lawyer.  Only then will you have the peace of mind of knowing that you are fully protected.

By Jackie Bedard, Carolina Family Estate Planning, Cary, NC wills and trusts attorney

Why is it that so many individuals, even many attorneys, don’t take advantage of estate planning strategies that could save money, protect their family, and have greater control over the management of their assets rather than leaving it in the hands of the probate system? Time and time again I see news stories detailing the poor estate planning among the rich and famous.

In fact, statistics show that even many attorneys don’t have wills. Of course, just because someone is an attorney, doesn’t mean that he or she has significant knowledge or expertise in the arena of estate planning.

For example, the late Chief Justice of the Supreme Court of the United Sates, Warren Burger, attempted to write his own will and it ended up costing his family about $400,000 more than if he had properly planned his estate.

On this blog and with my clients, I’m often talking in terms of hypothetical examples of why estate planning is needed. But here are some real life examples of families that did and did not benefit from proper estate planning:

The probate of Elvis’s estate took a whopping 12 years to complete and a staggering 73% of the estate was consumed by the settlement process (and the estate was subsequently re-opened in 2008 and is still ongoing)! The above settlement costs include debts, administrative expenses, attorney’s fees, executor’s fees, state estate taxes, and federal estate taxes. In contrast, due to prior planning, Any Warhol minimized the shrinkage of his estate to a mere 2.3%.

Other famous examples demonstrate the importance of estate planning for protecting oneself during life. For example, Groucho Marx had a will, but had failed to plan for a potential disability or incapacity. During the final three years of his life, his guardianship hearing became a public spectacle as three parties fought for control of his care and his wealth. For three years he was wheeled in and out of court will little consideration for his dignity or feelings during the trial.

So while the above might serve as decent dinner conversation fodder, don’t follow in these celebrities footsteps.  I’d like to extend the opportunity for you to schedule a Peace of Mind Planning Session (a $750 value) at no-charge with our office.  As a Cary wills and trusts lawyer, I will help you work through the hard questions and ultimately create a rock-solid plan for distributing your assets in a way that aligns with your core values, but also meets your family’s long-term financial needs.  However, we only have 8 such Sessions available each month, so call (919) 443-3035 to immediately schedule an appointment with Cary wills and trusts lawyer, Jackie Bedard before they are gone!

By Jackie Bedard, Carolina Family Estate Planning, Cary, NC, Wills and Trusts Lawyer

For Cary wills and estate lawyers like me, estate planning means so much more than just avoiding taxes and planning for death.  Instead, it’s about preserving your “whole family legacy,” which includes family values, traditions and memories should something unexpectedly happen to you.

To that end, your memories are priceless treasures that you’ve spent a lifetime trying to preserve. Years ago it was the shoe box of pictures under the bed or the trunk in the attic, but in today’s tech-savvy world social media has taken their place.

More and more people are using social media sites such as Twitter and Facebook to record important memories such as the birth of a baby, a child’s graduation, a wedding and so much more.  And what makes this option so special is that it allows the owner of the social media account, along with friends and family to post comments and other valuable insights on each post.

Social media accounts serve as a cache for photos and videos – all of which are incredibly valuable to your family. Doesn’t it make sense, then, that you include a plan to preserve the memories hosted on your social media accounts along with the rest of your family’s legacy? Even though we are still at the dawn of what social media will become, the major social media platforms are already beginning to address the issue of how to handle social media accounts when the owner passes away.  Here are a few examples:

Twitter

Twitter recently adopted a policy to handle ownership of a deceased user’s account. Twitter requires the following information:

1. Your full name, contact information (including e-mail address), and your relationship to the deceased user.
2. The username of the Twitter account, or a link to the profile page of the Twitter account.
3. A link to a public obituary or news article.

Once you provide Twitter with these three things, you can either request that the deceased user’s account be deleted or receive an archive of all of the deceased user’s tweets offline.

Facebook

Facebook has a unique feature where they will memorialize the profile of a deceased account holder. When a profile is memorialized, only current “friends” will be able to see it.  It is however, still active so that friends can leave messages on the wall in remembrance.

To have someone’s profile memorialized, just click this link and you’ll be able to submit a request.  You can also request that the decedent’s account be deleted using this form.

LinkedIn

LinkedIn has a simple Verification of Death form, which is easy to complete.  You can find this form and the information required to close the account on the LinkedIn Customer Support Center. You can opt to submit the form either online or via fax. You will need to know the account holder’s email address used on the account.  This is what is used to verify the person’s identity.

As with all other aspects of estate planning, it is important to discuss what you want to happen to your online profiles with your Cary wills and estates lawyer and document your wishes in writing.  If you would like to discuss this with a Cary wills and estates lawyer who understands the importance of preserving a real legacy for your family, call us today at (919) 443-3035 to schedule your own Peace of Mind Planning Session. These sessions normally cost $750, but if you mention this article, and we’ll waive the fee. However, these appointments are limited to 8 per month on a first-come, first-served basis, so call today!

If you knew just how easy it is to make sure YOU decide who should care for your children in an emergency if something happens to you, and how easy it is to have the total assurance of knowing your children would never be taken out of your home and into the arms of strangers while the authorities try to sort things out, I KNOW you’d do it.

Or, you might think you have taken care of it. I’m attorney Jackie Bedard, the founder of Carolina Family Estate Planning in Cary, and the truth is…

Even if you have a Will in place, your kids could be
taken from your home if the unthinkable happens to you.

I am certain you want do everything you can to make sure that your children are raised in the best way possible, especially if you can’t be there for them!  And, now I’m going to make it really easy for you!

Join us Wednesday, September 15th at
8 p.m. for a FREE Teleseminar

Join us from the comfort of your own home while I share with you the 10 easy steps you need to take to make sure your kids are never taken out of your home, even for a minute, if the unthinkable happens to you.  You’ll discover exactly what you need to do to have peace of mind knowing your kids will be taken care of no matter what.

PLUS, all attendees will receive several FREE valuable gifts including our brand new CFEP Guardianship Quick Start Tool Kit to help you get started naming guardians for your children right away.

During this Free Teleseminar You Will Discover:

• How to make sure your children’s future is not left in the hands of a judge that doesn’t know you or your children.
• The 10 simple steps you can take to ensure the safety and loving care of your children…and why the police could take your minor children out of your home if you are in an accident and don’t have the right plan in place.
• How to avoid the expenses and delay of a long, time-consuming court process that would make life stressful for your loved ones if you were in an accident.
• How to avoid the 6 common mistakes parents make when choosing guardians for their minor children.
• How to make sure your hard-earned money is immediately and private available to your family and is not lost to unnecessary court and legal fees, estate taxes, or future creditors, lawsuits or divorces.
• How failing to plan could cost your family thousands of dollars unnecessarily, plus unnecessary stress and frustration.

Reserve Your Spot NOW at www.NCKidsProtection.com

Last week, my colleague in Oregon, Candice Aiston, published the following blog post and I as read it,I could really relate to Candice’s experience. You see, Candice and I both approach estate planning in similar styles–counseling based, compassionate planning that puts the needs of our clients and their family first. The great thing that I’ve experienced along the way is that if I really take the time to get to know my clients and their families and work with them to design a plan that truly meets their needs and goals, I end up learning a lot myself in the process. And so, with Candice’s permission, I wanted to share her article with my readers:

Things My Clients Taught Me

By Candice Aiston

Every time I get through a client’s estate planning process, I leave having learned something new. I learn what’s important to them and I learn about the characteristics they have that make them so successful in life. Most families that plan with me record a message to their children, and as they talk to their kids, I gain so much insight about what is important to these families. The families are all different when it comes to wealth, religion, political stance, occupations, and interests/hobbies. But they all have a few different things in common that I’ve noticed over the past few years. The characteristics are apparent throughout our entire planning process. Here are a few:

1. It’s all about priorities.

My clients are all very successful, especially in their family lives. I think this is largely due to the fact that they all have their priorities in the right order. At our first meeting, I hear my clients talk about their families. They tell me how they met their partners and they tell me about their kids. Sometimes the meeting is very emotionally charged, because we face worst-case scenarios and talk about their worst fears. They are there because taking care of their family is a priority, even if they were no longer here. Most of them feel that they’ve put off the planning for too long, and that it’s time to finally get it done. The best story I have heard about priorities came from a colleague of mine, whose clients (parents of young children) decided to use their vacation savings to pay for their estate plan. They decided that the planning was so important that a vacation could wait a little longer. (I have to admit, that would be a tough one for me. Luckily, many attorneys out there have various payment plans available.) All of my clients have made it a priority that you take care of your family first. Everything else comes after that.

2. Plan for the worst, expect the best.

Many people put off important things like estate planning, retirement planning, financial planning, and family budgeting because it’s really tough to face these issues. It’s difficult to face worst-case scenarios in your own mind, let alone discuss them openly with your family. It’s even more of a task to find a professional and set up that first appointment. Sure, everyone is busy, but there’s an additional psychological barrier that makes parents want to fly by the seat of their pants when it comes to this stuff. We seem to think that if we don’t think about death and money that the bad things won’t happen. It is very common for people to be superstitious about estate planning in particular. The idea is that if we acknowledge death and make plans for it, then we’ve admitted that the worst is possible. As long as we ignore it, it won’t happen. The truth is that death weighs heavily on all of our minds and actually holds us back from truly being able to expect the best. Once we have gotten through the process of planning for the worst, that weight is lifted and we can focus on the other important things in our lives.

3. Do the best you can for the ones you love.

The clients I have don’t take information for granted. We all have heard people say, “I need a will,” or, “I need to get something in place.” One thing all of my clients have in common is that they came to the first meeting to learn. They didn’t come to the meeting to tell me what they needed; they came to learn what their situation looks like, and to learn about how they can do the best planning to care for their families. They had questions. They wanted all the facts on the table so that they could make decisions that would work best for their families. It’s not about checking something off of your “to do” list or doing something that everyone says you should do; it’s about doing the best you can for the ones you love.

4. Just do it.

No, I didn’t just throw this one in there because so many of my clients work for/with Nike. All of my clients are pretty good at just doing it. They are all able to weigh pros and cons quickly and get things done. Most of my clients are extremely busy people. If they’re anything like me, they’ve probably had to learn to quickly weigh the facts and make important decisions, because they need to get on with their lives! If they know they need the planning, and they feel that they like me and trust me, the decision is a quick one. (Without those factors in place, no one should make a decision to move forward. If your meeting with a professional leaves you feeling more confused than ever, or if you get a gut feeling that you should leave, then do it! You should only work with someone who makes you feel comfortable and confident. No professional is suited to work with everyone.)

5. Find a way to make it work.

You may be surprised to know that many of my clients weren’t able to just write me a check for the full cost of their planning services. Once they learned how badly they needed the planning, they did what they needed to do to make it work, including asking me if there were payment plans available. Like most things in life, once you’ve decided to make something work, there’s little that can deter you. If you feel that you can’t afford the full cost of services up front, ask your attorney about a payment plan.

It’s hard to know how to conclude this post. I’m sure I have a lot more to learn from my clients over time. Maybe they should charge me a fee for all of this wisdom that they bestow upon me.

I came across a very touching story this morning on CNN.com: If I die, Who Will Teach My Daughters?

When a young author is diagnosed with a rare form of cancer, he wonders who is going to teach various life lessons to his young daughters as they grow older.

Feiler came up with a extraordinary answer. He would put together a group of men and call them his council of dads. Six men from different stages of Feiler’s life who could be Feiler’s voice, and could teach his girls the life lessons he might not be there to teach.

The article is well worth a read and includes a 5-step outline of how to form your own council of moms or dads.

For related ideas on the subject, check out my prior post on Randy Pausch’s Last Lecture.

The Truth About Estate Planning

Asset Protection Workshop

Tuesday, June 22nd

6:30 pm to 8:30 pm

Discover why most wills and trusts don’t work and what you can do about it.

Is this workshop for you?

This workshop is designed for those…

• Who don’t know where to start
• Interested in protecting their family’s wealth from being siphoned off by creditors, divorce, or taxes
• Who have seen loved ones or friends pass away, leaving a mess and added stress and frustration to those left behind
• Who want to hear about a proven process that will bring true peace of mind
• Who already has a will or trust, but has doubts as to whether it’s the best plan for their family

This workshop will be especially helpful to:

• Those with a will or trust over three years old or that have recently moved here from another state
• Those in a second marriage
• Business owners
• Anyone nearing retirement
• Those wondering if their parents or grandparents have planned effectively

What you will hear at the Truth About Estate Planning workshop…

• How to transfer your financial wealth and “life wisdom” to future generations
• What to consider before meeting and selecting an estate planning attorney
• Why most living trusts do not work and how to assure your trust meets your goals
• How to leave assets to your loved ones protected against divorces and creditors
• How a second marriage puts your assets at risk, even if you live “’til death do us part”
• Probate–why does everyone want to avoid it?
• The hidden costs of a basic will or trust
• Why are many powers of attorney not accepted by financial institutions?
• What is the impact of changing estate tax laws?
• What is trust funding and why it is essential to the success of your living trust
• Why you should have professional counseling on how to fund your living trust
• The estate planning process–who do you meet with and how do you prepare?
• Counseling vs. word processing–what are you really paying for?
• How to make life easier on your loved ones in troubling times
• Do your children know what to do?
• How often should you update your estate plan?
• What is the real cost of an outdated estate plan?

Reservations required. Register now!