As a Cary wills lawyer, I can’t stress enough how important it is for all parents to create a comprehensive plan that will protect their children should the unthinkable occur.

But what happens if you are divorced and can’t come to an agreement with your ex-spouse as to who should raise your children if something happens to you?  Should you go ahead and document your own guardianship wishes anyway?  And just whose wishes would hold up in court?

In most cases, if your child’s biological parent is still living at the time of your death and you share custody, your children will be raised by the surviving parent, unless there is some clear reason why that should not happen.

There is nothing you can do about this, unless you can prove that the child’s biological parent is unfit to raise your child and make a compelling case as to why your guardianship nominations should be honored under the circumstances.

Examples of this might include a severe drug addiction, criminal past or a history of abuse.

However, if this is unlikely, the next best thing to do is name guardians anyway so that your wishes for the care of your children will be known and taken into consideration if your ex-spouse should also pass away before your children reach the age of 18.

This is especially important in the event your ex-spouse did not legally document his or her guardianship wishes upon passing, as your wishes would then be given priority over, say, an unwilling step-parent (just think back to the Cinderella story for a chilling example of this).

In addition, you also should consider having an emergency plan in place in case catastrophe should ever strike while your children are in your care.  You can read more about such emergency planning here.

Finally, if you are a single parent and have concerns not only about guardianship, but also concerning your ex-spouse handling any assets you would leave to your children if you passed away first, I encourage you to meet with a Cary wills lawyer right away so you can ensure such funds would managed by the person you select and are used only for your children’s care.

If you need help getting started with this, please feel free to give our office a call at (919)443-3035 and request a Peace of Mind Planning Session.

Imagine being involved in a serious accident or suddenly dying without the authorities or medical personnel knowing that you have minor children waiting for you at home.

Now imagine your children waiting for hours upon hours feeling scared, confused and helpless while their babysitter or other caregiver scrambles to figure out what happened and why you never returned.

Even worse, imagine social services removing your children from their home during this devastating time because they can’t find legal documentation that says who the children are permitted to stay with if something happens to you.

Scary thought, isn’t it?  Yet as a Cary wills and estates lawyer, I know that far too many area parents set themselves up for this devastating situation by not having the right emergency plans in place should the unthinkable occur.

Fortunately, there are 3 easy steps you can take right now to make sure your children are protected if something happens to you. They are as follows:

1. Legally document your choice of guardians- This is obviously the most important step in making sure your children are cared for by the people you want, in a way you want, if something happens to you.  In addition to naming someone who can take care of your children on a long-term basis, you’ll also want to name short-term guardians who can immediately show up and support your children if the unthinkable happens.  Without such documentation in place, the authorities will have no choice but to place your children temporarily into the care of social services until a judge can make this decision on your behalf.
2. Carry a Guardianship Card in Your Wallet- This is such an easy, yet commonly overlooked step that will spare your children from hours of worry and anxiety if something unexpectedly happens to you.   Essentially, you are going to create a card for your wallet that lets the police or medical personnel know that you have minor children at home.  It should include your address, phone number and any other pertinent information necessary to get in contact with your children.  Finally, the card should include your guardianship instructions so the authorities know exactly what to do if tragedy strikes.
3. Leave detailed instructions with schools, babysitters and neighbors- Once you legally document your choice of guardians, it’s critical to leave such information with your child’s school, babysitter and even the next-door neighbors.  That way, if the police show up at your door, someone will have tangible, legal proof as to where you want your children should go in an emergency.

Yet again, it all starts by legally documenting your choice of guardians so someone has clear permission to care for your children if something unexpectedly happens to you and/or your spouse.

Want to learn more about how to protect your children and other free tools and resources for your family?  Request our free report, What You Don’t Know CAN Hurt Your Family:  5 Easy Ways to Ensure Your Children, Wishes and Assets Stay Protected Should Something Happen to You

If you have not yet documented your choice of legal guardians and are not quite sure how to start, I invite you to give our Cary estate planning office a call at (919)443-3035 and schedule a Peace of Mind Planning Session.  These sessions are normally $750, but you can come in free with the mention of this article. Simply call (919)443-3035 to reserve your spot today.  Appointments are reserved on a first come, first served basis.

By Jackie Bedard, Carolina Family Estate Planning

As an estate planning attorney, I work with parents all the time to make sure their minor children will be protected if the death or incapacity of one or both parents should occur.

One of the ways we do this is to name short-and long-term guardians, who are essentially the people with legal permission to take custody of your children if tragedy strikes.

Yet in my work as an estate planning attorney, I can honestly say that making a guardianship nomination legal is the easy part!  It’s choosing the actual people you feel comfortable with to provide your kids long-term care which is the hardest decision for most parents.

Not to mention the complications (and stress) that can arise when it becomes clear that the kids would fare better if left in the care of different guardians (and yes, perhaps even be separated from one another) if the death of one or both parents occurred.

Of course this is a decision that’s not to be taken lightly, but legally, there is nothing stopping you from leaving your children to the care of different people if it seems necessary for their future well-being.

If in your conversation with an estate planning attorney you feel such a move is necessary, I urge you to make your wishes known and don’t feel bad or even guilty about your decision. Sometimes it’s clearly for the best.

Not sure when this would be an appropriate choice for your family? Let me give you an example as to when the decision to name separate guardians would come into play.

Let’s say you are a mother of 3 children.  You have two girls from your first marriage and your third child, a boy, is from the 2^nd. If something unexpectedly happened to you, the law dictates that your youngest son would be placed in the care of his father, provided he is still living.

Yet you know that living with your current husband would not be the best arrangement for the girls.  The girls have never been close to your new husband and you can’t imagine the situation getting any better if you were gone.  Worst of all, the girls have no relationship with their biological father.  In fact, he signed over his rights in lieu of paying child support years ago.    So in your mind, leaving the children to him is not an option either.

Based on this scenario, you decide to make your sister the guardian of the girls, while your husband would continue to raise your son if something happens.

Of course that’s just one of MANY examples in which the decision to appoint separate guardians for your children comes into play.  As I tell parents all the time, YOU and only you know what is best for the physical and emotional well-being of your children in a time of need.   While the ideal situation is to leave the kids together if possible, family dynamics or life circumstances may dictate that alternative plans be made.

Fortunately, that’s the beauty of estate planning.  It gently forces you to think about such situations in advance so your children are given the best chance to thrive if something unexpectedly happens to you.  You can then document your wishes so there is no question as to who you want to care for your children in your absence.

Haven’t made plans yet to legally appoint someone to care for your minor children if something happens to you?

Then give us a call at 919-443-3035 and request a Peace of Mind Planning Session. These sessions are normally $750, but you can come in free with the mention of this article.  However, these appointments are limited to 8 per month so call today!

By Jackie Bedard, Carolina Family Estate Planning

As an estate planning attorney, I know Generation Y has a lot to think about…starting their careers, buying their first home, starting a family.  All of these things are beginnings, so it’s a rare day when someone in this generation wants to think about The End.  But there are 4 reasons that they might need to…

A lot of people think that youth is an excuse for putting off doing a will or trust.  But estate planning is not just about planning for your death.  It is also prepares you in the event you experience an incapacitating injury and are unable to make your own financial or medical decisions.  While the odds are certainly in your favor that you will not need an estate plan, should you have the misfortune of needing it, you and your family will be thankful.  Consider these four scenarios…

You need a plan in the event that you become disabled or incapacitated.

Unfortunately tragedies happen every day.  And you are not immune to them because you are young.  If something happens to you and you are no longer able to make decisions regarding your own financial, legal, and medical affairs you’ll need to make sure that there are basic documents in place such as a health care power of attorney, financial power of attorney and HIPAA authorization so someone can make decisions on your behalf.

You need to pass your assets.

You might be asking, “What assets?”  Even if you do not yet own your own home, you need to consider IRAs, retirement accounts and life insurance accounts offered through your employer. You need to make sure that beneficiaries are named in the right way to make sure that the people you want to leave them to get maximum benefit.

You need to name guardians for your children.

If you have children, you simply must name guardians.  You should be the one who decides who will raise them if you are no longer around.  You do not want this decision left to squabbling relatives or to a court system who doesn’t know you or your child.

You need to plan for your pets.

If you have a pet, chances are they are a big part of your life.  They are totally devoted to you and also totally dependent on you.  Have you stopped to think what might happen to them if something were to happen to you?  If you want to make sure your companion is cared for if the unexpected happens, you could choose to put together a plan for their continued care.  The plan may include directions about feeding, medical care and other needs along with funds necessary to provide for your pet’s support and to compensate the caretaker.

The scenarios above are just a few to consider when deciding if you need a will or trust.  I encourage you to talk with a wills and trusts lawyer.  Only then will you have the peace of mind of knowing that you are fully protected.

By Jackie Bedard, Carolina Family Estate Planning

If one of your 2011 resolutions includes getting your financial and legal affairs in order should something unexpectedly happen to you, I have a gift I think you’ll enjoy.

To be specific, I just put the finishing touches on a free report I wrote entitled, “What You Don’t Know CAN Hurt Your Family: 5 Easy Ways to Make Sure Your Children, Wishes and Assets Stay Protected Should Something Happen to You”.

In this report you’ll learn 5 easy ways to get your legal and financial affairs in order.  You won’t even need the help of an attorney for some of these important steps; simply follow my instructions in the guide and cross each item off of your “to-do” list as you go.

You’ll also discover:

• How to legally name guardians for your minor children in a way that will hold up in a court of law
• The difference between a will and a trust, and which tool you really need to make sure your family, wishes and assets stay protected upon your passing.
• The details about a simple document you can use to give someone legal permission to act on your behalf if you were incapacitated in an accident but did not die (…and without this document, your family could be facing some hurdles under the current HIPAA privacy laws!)
• How to amass your “entire family wealth” and leave a true legacy to your children (hint: you don’t have to be wealthy and it’s easier than you think!)
• And so much more!

To grab a copy of this report, simply visit http://www.carolinafep.com/5waysrequest.html

I’d also like to encourage you to forward this to any of your family or friends who really need to get their affairs in order.  I would especially encourage you to reach out to anyone who has minor children, owns their own home, cares for aging parents or is approaching retirement age themselves.

by Jackie Bedard, Carolina Family Estate Planning

One of my greatest passions as an estate planning lawyer is educating parents about how important it is to prepare for their untimely death. Not a fun topic, I realize. But you only have to witness one sad instance of parents passing away and leaving the kids to deal with squabbling relatives to understand how critical this is for families’ well-being. The possibility of leaving this world can be difficult to accept, and many people simply choose to not think about it. Unfortunately, this fear often prevents people from taking the proper precautions they need to take.

I speak with various groups around Cary and the Triangle, and I usually deliver this message in an upbeat and cheerful way so people can see that preparing their estate plan for their family is a positive and joyful experience. But today I’m going to give you the real deal about estate planning. Blunt, and to the point.

Essentially, it’s critical for everyone to understand the importance of estate planning for those we love – especially our children. As you can imagine, children are incredibly vulnerable if you die while they are still minors, due to the simple fact that they are legally, and usually practically, unable to take care of themselves.

Here are a few cold-hard facts about what could happen if you passed away suddenly without a will or trust in place.

1. 1. A judge who doesn’t know you or your children will decide who raises them. If something happens to you, who is going to step up? Is it the person that you want to raise your children? If you don’t have an estate plan in place, will your relatives squabble over who is or isn’t responsible for raising them? Do you really want to put your children through that?
2. 2. The person who the judge picks to raise your kids will also be responsible for their financial well-being. If something happens to you, all of your assets will be handed to the guardian (whom you didn’t select) to be managed for them. The obvious fear is that this person could possibly use the funds for something other than the care of your children. However, there are many other things to consider. Does the person that the judge picked have the same financial values that you do? For example, you may feel strongly that you would like your children to attend a high-end sports clinic to help develop their athletic skills or take private music lessons or some other extracurricular activity. But, will the guardian see the value in this? What if they think spending money on what you would have wanted is a total waste? The potential for trouble is endless.
3. 3. All of the money left from your estate (assuming there IS any) may go to your child in a lump sum when he or she is 18 years old. Think about this one. What would you have done if you had been handed thousands of dollars when you were 18? Scary thought, huh? The hard truth is that most 18-year-olds are simply not mature enough to properly handle finances at that level. I have heard story after story of kids who should have been fine financially, but who weren’t because they decided to buy cars, clothes, and vacations instead of investing in their future by going to college. So sad!

So there you have it: some cold, hard questions for you to ponder. My hope for those of you reading this is that you have already taken care of naming guardians for your children and put your estate plan in place, and that you are keeping it up-to-date as the circumstances of your life change.

Want to learn more? Request our detailed Parent’s Peace of Mind Guide that outlines in more detail the steps you need to take to make sure your child is fully protected.

Don’t worry if you aren’t sure who you would pick as guardian. I’ll help you with that.

Don’t worry if you think you can’t afford planning. I’ll work with you on that.

Don’t put this off because you don’t have the time. Think about how your kids will spend their time if something happens to you and you haven’t made these decisions for them.

Call our Cary estate planning office today, and make an appointment for a Peace of Mind Planning Session.  Leave no uncertainty that your children will be cared for the way you intended.

By: Jackie Bedard, Carolina Family Estate Planning, Cary wills and trusts lawyer

As a Cary estate planning lawyer, I know one of the most important decisions a parent can make is determining who will care for their kids if something tragic should happened to them. I also know it’s very easy for parents to get stuck during this critical decision making process.  Do you choose this person for financial reasons? Religion? A certain parenting philosophy? Do you care if the couple you chose stays married or eventually gets a divorce? Then what?

While it’s great to put a lot of thought into who you would want to raise your kids, indecision and ultimately inaction is a very dangerous place to be, especially with young children at home. It’s important to remember that SOMEONE will determine what happens to your kids….so it might as well be you!  The alternative is a judge who knows nothing about you, your family or what truly is in the best interest of your children.

So to avoid having a judge make life-changing decisions on your child’s behalf, I would like to share four easy steps that will help you finally take action and choose the right guardians for your kids:

1. Sit down and brainstorm all the people who could possibly raise your kids if you were killed or incapacitated in an accident. Don’t limit your choices to family either. Think outside the box and write down everyone who even remotely fits the bill.
2. Determine who you would NEVER want to raise your kids in your absence.  You’ll need to tell the court who you DON’T want raising your kids so they can protect your family should that named individual (s) contest your wishes and seek custody of your kids following your death or incapacity. (This can be kept private and only revealed if the need arises)
3. Weigh your values.  Make another column and write down what is important to you and/or your spouse.  Do you value education?  Religious or spiritual training? The ability to live in a certain community?  Being raised in a two-parent family?  Whatever your values may be, write them down, prioritize them and eventually rank the top three.
4. Match your top choices to your top values.  This will give you a clear picture of who you can trust to raise your children with the values you hold near and dear to your heart.

And of course, the last (and arguably the most important step) is to legally document your choice of guardians so there’s no question as to who you want to raise your kids if something happens to you!

Want to learn more about important considerations for parent’s with minor children? Then request our Parent’s Peace of Mind Guide.

To ensure you legally get the documentation you need for naming guardians for your kids—or if you’d further like to create a comprehensive estate plan that will ensure your children, assets and wishes are protected something the unexpected happen to you, please give me, your neighborhood Cary estate planning lawyer a call at (919) 443-3035 to schedule a no-charge Peace of Mind Planning Session (normally a $750 value) with the mention of this article.  These appointments are limited to 8 per month on a first-come, first-served basis, so call today!

If you knew just how easy it is to make sure YOU decide who should care for your children in an emergency if something happens to you, and how easy it is to have the total assurance of knowing your children would never be taken out of your home and into the arms of strangers while the authorities try to sort things out, I KNOW you’d do it.

Or, you might think you have taken care of it. I’m attorney Jackie Bedard, the founder of Carolina Family Estate Planning in Cary, and the truth is…

Even if you have a Will in place, your kids could be
taken from your home if the unthinkable happens to you.

I am certain you want do everything you can to make sure that your children are raised in the best way possible, especially if you can’t be there for them!  And, now I’m going to make it really easy for you!

Join us Wednesday, September 15th at
8 p.m. for a FREE Teleseminar

Join us from the comfort of your own home while I share with you the 10 easy steps you need to take to make sure your kids are never taken out of your home, even for a minute, if the unthinkable happens to you.  You’ll discover exactly what you need to do to have peace of mind knowing your kids will be taken care of no matter what.

PLUS, all attendees will receive several FREE valuable gifts including our brand new CFEP Guardianship Quick Start Tool Kit to help you get started naming guardians for your children right away.

During this Free Teleseminar You Will Discover:

• How to make sure your children’s future is not left in the hands of a judge that doesn’t know you or your children.
• The 10 simple steps you can take to ensure the safety and loving care of your children…and why the police could take your minor children out of your home if you are in an accident and don’t have the right plan in place.
• How to avoid the expenses and delay of a long, time-consuming court process that would make life stressful for your loved ones if you were in an accident.
• How to avoid the 6 common mistakes parents make when choosing guardians for their minor children.
• How to make sure your hard-earned money is immediately and private available to your family and is not lost to unnecessary court and legal fees, estate taxes, or future creditors, lawsuits or divorces.
• How failing to plan could cost your family thousands of dollars unnecessarily, plus unnecessary stress and frustration.

Reserve Your Spot NOW at www.NCKidsProtection.com

As a parent, thinking about the possibility that a day could come when you aren’t able to raise your children can be heart breaking. But building a comprehensive estate plan to protect your minor children is one of the most important things you can do for them. But what do you do if you and your child’s other parent are separated or divorced? Even if the relationship didn’t end harmoniously, for the sake of your children it’s worth setting your differences aside temporarily to discuss these important issues.

Here are five major things to discuss with your ex:

Guardians

In the eyes of the law, if you pass away, even if you had full custody, guardianship of your child will pass automatically to your child’s other biological parent unless it is determined that the surviving parent is unfit or if the parent previously severed parental rights.  Nonetheless, it is still prudent for both of you to nominate a few alternates in the event that both of you are not available. And, it would give both yourself and your child greater security and peace of mind about the future if you and your ex discussed and agree on the same alternates.

Emergencies

Nominating permanent guardians for your child is a great start, but also discuss emergency planning with your ex, especially if you live in different states. Our clients establish Children’s Safeguard Plans that among other things, make sure we have nominated emergency temporary guardians that could care for the children in the event of an emergency and the permanent guardians are not available—friends, neighbors or other family members that could respond within 20-30 minutes and care of the child. If you share custody with your ex, it’s important that both of you have emergency plans in place and that all of your children’s care givers know what to do and who to call in the event of an emergency.

Family Visitation

If it’s important to you and your child, be sure to discuss with your ex the importance of extended family involvement in your child’s upbringing. For example, you may wish to discuss the fact that you would still want your parents actively involved in your child’s life even if your ex is guardian. Within your estate plan, you may even provide instructions to your trustee that it is suitable to pay necessary travel expenses and the like to ensure that such visitation is possible.

Inheritance

While you may feel that your ex could and should be your child’s guardian if something happens to you, if you’re like many divorcees, you do not want your ex having control over any financial assets you leave behind for your child.  So how can you leave your estate to your child without putting it in the hands of your ex? The key is to put your child’s inheritance in a trust and name a person that you know and trust as trustee to manage the assets on your child’s behalf.  Your trust can provide the trustee with instructions on how you want the assets managed, when and how to make distributions to your child’s guardian for the benefit of your child and so on. Note that your trustee and guardian will have to communicate regularly and work together frequently, so if you an your ex can both agree on a trustee that you’re both trust and are comfortable with it will make everyone’s lives easier.

Remarriage

It’s common upon remarriage to commingle assets and finances. And if you don’t properly plan for your child in your estate plan, it’s likely that if you die, all of your assets will end up going to your new spouse—effectively disinheriting your child.  If you or your ex are contemplating remarriage, it’s important to talk to your attorney and make sure there is a plan in place to ensure that your children will be provided for.

I came across a very touching story this morning on CNN.com: If I die, Who Will Teach My Daughters?

When a young author is diagnosed with a rare form of cancer, he wonders who is going to teach various life lessons to his young daughters as they grow older.

Feiler came up with a extraordinary answer. He would put together a group of men and call them his council of dads. Six men from different stages of Feiler’s life who could be Feiler’s voice, and could teach his girls the life lessons he might not be there to teach.

The article is well worth a read and includes a 5-step outline of how to form your own council of moms or dads.

For related ideas on the subject, check out my prior post on Randy Pausch’s Last Lecture.